My first significant flare up since diagnosis and I have now reached the stage of being pissed, which hovers right over depression. If I could punch my flare in the face I would, but I would only be punching myself. This flare up is like a house guest that has over stayed his welcome. I am glad you stopped by to remind me that I do have a chronic illness and I must take good care of myself, but I get the point and it is time to leave. I will celan up the mess you are sure to leave behind, just go.
Here are just a few examples why I am now at the pissed stage.
1. I had a date during the week right around when my flare up was starting. I didnt want to cancel becuase I was pretty excited and my body was still doing ok, my mind however was on a whole other planet. You know what I am talking about, it is like being high, but not the funny laugh at your cat kind of high only a teenager knows, but the holy crap I am paranoid, are those the cops? So, I didnt cancel my date, and I am sure I made a fool of myself. The brain fog is the worst! I would keep this pain any day if my mind would just be clear.
2. "You dont look sick". I hear this at least 5 times a day. God Damn it! I know I dont look sick, but my joints are on fire, I cant sleep and am pretty sure that if you ask me to spell anything with more than 3 letters in it, I will fail.
3. I screwed up at work all day today. I was making orderst that were not even close to the order the customer gave me, I could not lift more than 2 plates at a time, dropped 1 out of 3 things I picked up, mumbled and looked at customers like they were from another planet when they asked me a question that my RA fogged brain could not process.
4. Hello, is my Doc around? I dont know what to do. I called my Doctor, but while I wait what th heck do I do? I am working to the best of my ability, getting small stuff done, trying to resemble my normal self as much as possible, but what else can I be doing? Do I just wait? Should I pray? Drink some weird potion? Do a tribal dance? Sleep? Guess I will just keep taking steriods until I here from my Doc or the roid rage begins, I wonder which will happen first? ;)
So, I have decided I am going to rest, because I really need it and while I am not sleeping I am going to develop a serious plan of attack against this flare up. I will snort steriods if that is what I have to do to get rid of this thing. Cross your fingers my Doc gets back to me stat so I can get this taken care of.
****excuse misspells or typo's, I am much to tired to copy paste and spell check*****
Here are just a few examples why I am now at the pissed stage.
1. I had a date during the week right around when my flare up was starting. I didnt want to cancel becuase I was pretty excited and my body was still doing ok, my mind however was on a whole other planet. You know what I am talking about, it is like being high, but not the funny laugh at your cat kind of high only a teenager knows, but the holy crap I am paranoid, are those the cops? So, I didnt cancel my date, and I am sure I made a fool of myself. The brain fog is the worst! I would keep this pain any day if my mind would just be clear.
2. "You dont look sick". I hear this at least 5 times a day. God Damn it! I know I dont look sick, but my joints are on fire, I cant sleep and am pretty sure that if you ask me to spell anything with more than 3 letters in it, I will fail.
3. I screwed up at work all day today. I was making orderst that were not even close to the order the customer gave me, I could not lift more than 2 plates at a time, dropped 1 out of 3 things I picked up, mumbled and looked at customers like they were from another planet when they asked me a question that my RA fogged brain could not process.
4. Hello, is my Doc around? I dont know what to do. I called my Doctor, but while I wait what th heck do I do? I am working to the best of my ability, getting small stuff done, trying to resemble my normal self as much as possible, but what else can I be doing? Do I just wait? Should I pray? Drink some weird potion? Do a tribal dance? Sleep? Guess I will just keep taking steriods until I here from my Doc or the roid rage begins, I wonder which will happen first? ;)
So, I have decided I am going to rest, because I really need it and while I am not sleeping I am going to develop a serious plan of attack against this flare up. I will snort steriods if that is what I have to do to get rid of this thing. Cross your fingers my Doc gets back to me stat so I can get this taken care of.
****excuse misspells or typo's, I am much to tired to copy paste and spell check*****
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