Dear body, I am sorry I made you work 13 straight hours on your feet yesterday. I am sorry I did not feed you properly, only to then come home and fill you with Methotrexate right before bed. I understand why you didn't let me sleep well and are giving me this sore throat and throbbing pain everywhere. I realize I am not 20 anymore and that I am not working with a "normal" body. I promise I will no longer subject you to such abuse for the sake of extra money. If you can just get me through today I will give you lots of fruits, veggies, rest and a nice massage. What do you say, do we have a deal???
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I have been having more breathing trouble. I am not sure what it is from but I am anxious to see my Doc soon to figure it out. It comes and goes in waves.I It seems the worst when I am around smokers or the pollen levels are high. Some days I dont have it at all, others it can last for hours. Has anyone had breathing trouble???
My summer semester started this week and I start a second job tomorrow. I know I am probably pushing myself a bit harder than I should, but I know if I work really hard all summer, I can cut back on working so many hours when my clinicals start in the fall. This will allow me to focus on nursing school and staying healthy. I am just crossing my fingers my flare ups stay away. Only had a few hard days this month. I can handle that. Two more weeks till my walk for the Arthritis Foundation!!!! I have raised $525!!! More than double my goal!!! I am very excited and must be sure and start walking everyday until the walk to be sure my ankles are up to it. No matter what, I am going to finish that walk!!! I will bring a wagon and have my boyfriend pull me if it comes down to it :):) Has anyone heard of LDN?? Used it??? Please let me know if you know anything about it. I finally feel a better today. I am 100% sure the weather is directly effecting how I feel. I actually felt like I was a being microwaved the last few days. Now I know what those bags of steam fresh veggies feel like :) The pressure and pain had me in tears. This made me realize two very important things. 1. I need to move and 2. I dont know what real pain is yet.
This week I had one of my most painful days. My right arm was swollen and the shooting pains radiated all over,. I am grateful that it is down to a dull ache now, I know I am lucky for that. I also know that I have not seen the the worst of this disease. Instead of fearing it, I am preparing for it. I am going to do things that I love and live the best way I can. I went kayaking for the first time last week and I LOVE IT!!! I have already begun trying to find one to buy. This is something I have always wanted to do, but never did. I always found an excuse, I am too fat, what if I fall out, what if I look stupid. I have never done a physical activity that brought me so much peace and joy. I wish I would have done it sooner! It took having RA to give me the confidence to try new things.I am by no means glad I have this disease, but it has changed my life in a positive way. I now realize that I should try anthing while I have the chance, beacuse there may be a day I am unable to do certain things. I have much more coming soon! This week I am going to try and put a day aside to just work on my page, Have a great weekend everyone! I am working as a bartender while in school and I love it! I get to meet new people, it is not as hard on my feet because I am in a small area, and well, bartenders are cool:):) What is not cool are my fingers locking up last night! I was carrying a medium sized plate and shooting pains started radiating through my hand and arm. I couldn't set it down because I had a beer in my other had. So, I just bit my lip and walked to my customers. I set it in front of them and rushed back to the kitchen to shout F#@! a few times. I had to rub out two of my fingers and after that I was fine. I was caught off guard because nothing like this has happened before. I will be paying much more attention now when I am carrying plates!
On another note, I am going to start cutting back on prednisone. I am on a roller coaster of emotions and I feel like I am losing it. I go from crying over bank commercials, to screaming at my boyfriend for breathing, to having an incredible urge to punch everyone directly in the face. I cannot keep doing this. I think I am starting to feel the effects of the medications now. In addition to the moodiness I am exhausted. I will get bursts of energy for an hour then want to sleep for two, my chest feels heavy and sometimes I get waves of panic over my body. It is hard to tell what symptom is from the RA and what is from the meds. I see my Doc on June 6th and I am going to demand she give me a pill that will make me feel better, with the side effects of weight loss, increased energy, full luscious eyelashes, and more dates with good looking men. Have a great day everyone and thanks for the comments!!!! I am learning so much from everyone!!! I woke up this morning after a poor nights sleep and it took every ounce of energy I had to get out of bed. I cant tell if I am coming down with the flu, a sinus infection, side effects of the methotrexate, or is this something to expect with RA? This is the worst I have felt since starting my meds a month ago. I am crossing my fingers this passes quickly. I am so tired, my body is radiating with pain and discomfort. I cant just lay in bed doing nothing so I decided to work on my page a bit. I am going to take it slow today and hope tomm I will wake up to the sun on my face and be able to take a bike ride. Have a great weekend!
Woke up in pain today. I think it has alot to do with the weather. It is rainy, chilly, and I dont like it. Damn you sun!!! Why did you have to leave me? I went for a bike ride anyway and I still feel like the tin man. Someone needs to come oil me up, Preferably a handsome single doctor. :):):) I am starting to work on my managing pain page, please let me know any tips or tricks you have for dealing with pain or if there is anything else you would like to see on here. Have a great weekend everyone!!!!
So, I got my final grades for the semster and they were not so good. I deserved these grades becuase I did not put in the work I should have. At the begining of this semster I was sick, in severe pain and confused. At the end of this semester I now know I have RA, I am feeling great! It was a very rocky semster, but now I am feeling better and ready to tackle the summer semester. I was making myself sick when I first realized it was my own fault for doing so poorly, but after thinking about it, I did the best I could under the circumstances. The last thing I want to do is write a 1000 page paper on Aristotle when I can barely get out of bed and my whole body feels like it was thrown from a 10 story building. I have learned from this, and I will be sure to not let RA get in the way of my future as a nurse.
I am very excited that I raised enough money to participate in my first walk on 6/5/11 in Kankakee, Illinois. I have always wanted to do a walk like this and I am very proud of myself and grateful to everyone who supported me. I have been very busy with finals this week and have not had a good workout for awhile. Luckily, I have a week break until my summer semester begins and I will spend this extra time trying to get organized. I need to get a workout routine back in order and lose some more weight. I just, read for every 1lb lost, 5lbs of pressure is taken of your joints!!! I better get my butt moving.
Tossed and turned all night, woke up with a dull pain in my shoulder that has now spread to both arms and shoulders. I am going to try some heat therapy for today and get my butt to the YMCA for some swimming in the morning. I have to work in a few hours and that is the last thing I feel like doing. On a side note, can anyone tell me about heart palpatations and RA. I noticed they are increasing and I wonder is this from the meds or just an RA side effect????
Frustrated!!!!!!! This week has been awful. As my medical bills keep rolling in there is no sign of relief. My car needs a bunch of money put into it and work has been super slow. I am exhausted from pain and just need a darn break! I am trying very hard not to stress myself out about my current financial situation, but it is easier said than done. I am noticing the more stressed I become, the more my hands swell, I am starting to look like I have catchers mitts for hands, this is not a good look for a bartender. On top of all this, I have finals next week and I am trying to focus on studying instead of being poor. I am trying to think positive. Breath, just breathe. I just have to get through nursing school, or start selling crack :) jk
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