It is hard to not worry about every little thing that pops up when it comes to my body. I catch myself staring at my hands, almost in a trance, looking for changes. Is there swelling? Discoloration? What is that bump? Was that always there? After I work a double shift and come home limping, I blame it on the RA, not the fact that I was running around making drinks for crazy booze hounds for ten straight hours. When of course, it is both. Things that I used to dismiss have become major events to me. Why do I have a headache? A fever? Why is my knee hurting? Is this a bug bite or a growth? Why are things taking so long to heal? Or are things healing how they should be? What effect is not having a spleen really doing to me?  I need a manual!!! I need somewhere to go when I am concerned. I have not learned what to dismiss and what I should note as important.

It is a whole new world when you become sick. You look at things differently, some things are better, some worse.  You hope that people understand how it feels to be sick. Sometimes they do, but more often than not, they don’t. How can the healthy know what it is to be sick? Co-workers think I am a germa-phobe for washing my hands constantly, when truly I am petrified of catching something because my body does not possess the strength to fight off infections.  My boyfriend doesn’t understand that when he wakes up, the first thing he thinks of is what he has to do that day. When I wake, the first thing in my head is, how much pain will I be in when I get out of bed? Followed by my morning meds, breakfast, errands, work, afternoon meds, homework, chores, exercise, and evening meds. If I have the energy to do all of that, it is a GREAT day! But usually I don’t and it will leave me feeling guilty for not doing enough. Again, a place a manual would come in handy. If I had the time and the energy I would right a funny manual to living with RA, maybe after I finish nursing schoolJ

My goal for the month is to recognize when I am taking on too much and give myself a break! I am not wonder women!

Funny note: I am an idiot, and did not let my Enbrel shot get warm enough. I injected myself and it was so cold it felt like someone had stabbed me in the leg with an icecicle!! Half way through the injection I pulled it out and the Ebrel went spraing all over while I was screaming profantities. So, I went and bought myself an egg timer so this doesnt happen again.

Do you have any Enbrel stories? Tips? Reactions? Comments? I am on week two and anxious to hear what you think:)

 

How the heck does anyone manage stress, especially when you have RA!!! There is so much going on all the time.  Work, school, medical bills, regular bills, computer crashing, medication schedules, side effects, flare ups, and about a million other little things that make you want to take a baseball bat to your printer. Some days just feel like a bad hair day. You leave the house just not feeling right, and this continues to be the theme throughout the day. And some days turn your whole world upside down, these are the onese that can trigger flare ups. I am trying to learn how to handle these days, not that I am any good at it :)

I decided I needed a vacation! And I had a few people in mind that I knew needed one too. So, yesterday I booked airfare to Boston!!! My parents, my boyfriend and I are going to drive up to Maine and eat lobster. I am going to sit on the beach and forget about all the little things that I have to do in a day and enjoy being ok. 6 months ago I was in a very bad place. I was very sick and VERY scared. Now, that I am feeling better I want to take a moment and celebrate the fact that even though there can be dark days, there